Every time I bring up a past girlfriend, someone inevitably says, “It’s not her you miss; it’s the idea of her!” And the best part, I’ve heard this so much that I’m starting to believe it. But then I look and realize, what the hell does that even mean?
It’s one of those old sayings like “time heals all” and “pants first, then shoes” that we all know and we all know it’s true, but is it really something you don’t fully understand and aren’t even sure if it’s true all the time. (Note: I definitely have put on shorts after my shoes are already on…)
But what’s the difference between the idea of someone and someone themselves? I can see if I say I miss being in a relationship that it doesn’t matter, but if I say, “I miss
Sure I miss the idea of her, but how do you separate the idea from the person?
If you miss the idea of someone, don’t you miss that person? I miss the idea of having someone in my arms. I miss the idea of being in love. But I still have those ideas. It’s the specifics I miss. If I missed the ideas, they’d be gone and I wouldn’t have the ideas to compare to reality and I wouldn’t miss her at all.
This may or may not be a true thing in my life right now, but it is a phrase that I constantly grapple with and really hate. So those are my thoughts for now. A short entry, yes, but I hope this one opens up a lot of comments…
So – comment away!
I've always took the "idea of someone" to refer to your personal idealized version of someone, which typically discounts their flaws and negative associations you may have with them. It's easy to do, because you ignore all the things that bothered you when you were together, or things that contributed to the relationship's demise, and you're left with all of the good qualities that you actually do miss about that person. But if you were to actually get back with her, you'd remember all of the reasons why it didn't work, and that's all part of the person itself. So, I think, if you actually do miss a person, you miss all of the negative qualities and problems in addition to the good and wonderful ones.
ReplyDeleteAs an aside...I swear, this whole "idea of her" thing is the complete fault of "When Harry Met Sally." I've only ever heard people mention it as something they picked up from that movie. (I mean, great movie and all, but still. Sheesh.)
a) It is a great movie, but it did ruin a few things.
ReplyDeleteb) You bring up a good point, but I know all the negatives and can honestly say I've never missed the idea of someone by your definition, because I tend to miss the negatives, too.
But let's say I am only missing the positives, am I truly missing the idea of her, but am I missing her and just blocking out another version of her?
Yeah, I've said that to you too.
ReplyDeleteI often use "idea" to denote the feeling of having someone - just that, without taking into account the reality of how your ex made your life a living and dying hell.
Other than that, it's usually me just missing banging the chick.
Succinctly Composed!
Hey - I haven't seen you since school! I found your blog using my ninja-like skills. It's Lauren, from Ken's class.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to read your blog now. Be warned.