That’s right. I’m back. I’m making my triumphant return. And I don’t just mean to the blogosphere – although I have missed that and am glad to be returning here. I’m back to dealing with life with a smile on my face. I’m back to being, well, happy…or at the very worst, not-depressed. And let me tell you, it feels fantastic.
After way too long, I finally am feeling like myself again. I am away from being the person who saw life for its downs and I’m back to being the person who sees through downs. Am I 100% happy? Hell no. But nobody is. But I’m back…I’m back to being me. I’m back to feeling like myself again. I’m back to a point where I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I’m looking at. (Speaking of looking into a mirror, as of Monday night, I’m back to being clean-shaven. I had a couple weeks where I didn’t shave because I was so depressed, and then as I slowly got out of my depression, I groomed my facial hair to the point where I am right now – completely clean…okay – a little stubble…but I grow hair like the Jew that I am.)
I’m to the point where I can get out of bed every morning. I’m in a place where I want to get out of bed every morning. But most importantly, I’m comfortable alone again. I’m back to valuing the time I have alone. I miss people, and I like having people around, but I don’t need people right now.
Y’see, that’s what kept me depressed. I was in a spiral. I was down, and for the first time in my life, I needed other people to help me be happy, and the fact that I couldn’t do it alone any more made me feel down…which made me need someone which made me…yeah…you get the point.
So for the summer, this blog will be updated, as before, every Thursday and Monday. And it will be back to being good things – or at least things that aren’t cries for help anymore. I’m done with that…or at least that’s the promise I’m making to myself and my readers. (Both of you.)
Until this turmoil in my life, I’ve never been accused of acting my age. People always see me as older than my number. And I hated acting my age. Hopefully, I’ll go back to being more put together than my number may indicate. I’m back on track.
I owe a lot of apologies over the way I’ve acted the last few months. And while people say, “it’s okay; we understand; there’s nothing wrong with what you did,” it’s really myself I’m apologizing to, I guess…
Thank you all, because the fact that there have been people reading this blog has helped me. Knowing I’m not alone in the world, as lonely as I may have been, was sometimes enough to get me up in the morning. It didn’t keep me up all day, but it did the trick. (That, and an un-named 2-inch stuffed dog, who now lives in my right pocket out of habit and not necessity.)