One final run-through

Today marked the unofficial beginning to my 17th -- and likely final -- summer at camp. (I say unofficial because orientation starts Tuesday, though I went in today to start setting up the archery range, and will be in tomorrow for CPR recertification and then Monday to finish setting up the range.)

I keep saying that I hope this is my last summer, not because I want it to end or because I'm actually ready to, gasp, grow up, but because my second semester next year, I will be in school about 4 hours a week, and if I can't find a job then, it does not bode well and I'll likely have to leave New York -- which I'm not ready to do.

as for camp itself, it's time. In my 17 years -- or just the 5 as a counselor -- I've seen a lot of staff move on and a lot of things change in the camp, and the fact that I have not changed in 4 years (same exact job, same age group, and this year is the third year with the same person with me with the 11-year-olds), all points to time for me to move on.

In addition, the camp director whom I most related to, Keith, has, himself, moved on from his camp life. Incidentally, I had lunch with him a few weeks ago, and sitting and talking with him about his life at age 22 made me realize that we are even more alike that I ever had realized. Him moving on, in a way, helped pave the way for my mindset to allow me to leave.

Also, much like last year, this year is going to be hard to start. I can always turn it on when the kids are there, but with the staff, I sometimes struggle. I'm a social mis-fit -- not an outcast, I just don't fit in -- and the two counselors who forced me to have a social life last year are gone. Orientation has gotten increasingly cliquey -- and I am the anti-clique; I'm a roamer. The people I was close with when we were both campers have all but cast me aside for the "cool" clique. The major player in the cool clique -- whom I've known for 17 years now, since we started at camp together in 1992 -- barely says 'hi' to me.

For all these reasons and more, I'm ready to move on.

But before I do, it's time for me to go out with a bang.

Summer 17 is going to be my best for no other reason than I want it to be. And that's a promise.