Second Guessing

Those of you who know me, know that if I'm good at one thing, it's over-thinking. If I'm good at two things, it's over-thinking and baking brownies. But if it's THREE things, it's over-thinking, baking brownies, and second guessing myself.

I manage to second guess almost everything in my life -- from the things I do ('Should I really have quit my job?' 'Was it a mistake to agree to take on this extra project when I don't have time for myself?' 'Really? A basketball league? With MY knee?') to the things I don't do ('Why didn't I give her my number?!' 'I should have hung around at that jam session a little longer.' 'Was it something I said?' 'Should I have kissed her?') and even, somehow, I manage to second guess myself about a third category, and that's the things I thought about. (Yeah -- you know it's bad when you second-guess your own thoughts and emotions...)

Even though I second guess myself and over-think, and even wallow perhaps a bit too much, I have gotten good at conquering the first category of those second-guessings. I still question what I've done, but I've come to accept that life does not have a rewind button. Every day, I live my old boss's words of, "Everyone makes mistakes; it's how you fix them." I've come to accept moving on and getting over it. (Easier said than done, as anyone who's had to listen to me the last 2 weeks knows.)

It's that middle genre I need work on. For years I've been talking about taking chances and not regretting the things I don't do, because I should do them when I see the opportunity to. I don't want to look back and regret something, especially when I know in the moment that I have the chance and I should take it.

I guess what I'm saying is a 2+ year old message. It's time for me to buy a damn lottery ticket already.

I guess what I'm saying is:
You don't know who you are yet, I might not know who you are yet, but you're getting my number, and you're calling me.

I'll take it from there.