That's all she wrote

It's been 5 days. I have had so much to say about my last day of camp, herein: 'retirement', that I have had nothing concrete to say.

Overall, I'm both sad and relieved. I'm sad because it's hard to say goodbye to a 17 year career. I'm relieved because I said it was going to be my best summer, and it took until the last camper left for me to be 100% sure that it was and that I ended in the exact way I wanted to.

Even though I have 17 years of memories, that last day is still one of what will stick out in my mind.

After the 7:30am work detail and campers finally arrived, I started the day the same way I started the other 34 -- energetic and excited to see campers. (Okay -- 33 of the 34...Monday of week 4 was the only day I had to fake it -- but I did it well...) I dreaded the color wars, honestly, though. I have not been an active participant in 6 years. When I was a JC4, I helped the then head of riflery put away the archery stuff (the archery head had been fired mid-season and the new folks had not been there for some reason...), and then my first 4 years as a counselor, I was the photographer. (Except the year I wasn't there for RA training...) This year I was scheduled to be the photographer again until the head of what would be the purple team came down with a condition that made her a tap on the head away from a detached retina and thus, blindness. So she took over as me and I as her.

It was actually pretty awesome. I don't know if I could have done it the past few years, too, but this year was fun as an isolated incident.

I took back my photographer role after lunch in time for the parade we do.

The final ceremony is where the real emotion hit. The director started by having me hold the flag while another counselor sang the national anthem in recognition of my 17-years-of service. He announced my retirement for me. (At which point, I couldn't help but make Brett Favre jokes saying that if I decided to come back, they'd have to trade me to the camp down the street for conditional draft picks.)

When it was all over and I was hugging my JCs -- whom I've watched grow up -- about 10 parents camp up to me separately and said, "Good luck. Thank you. Our kids adore you." It felt great. I wished I'd heard these things the past few years, but this was amazing and made everything worth it -- as if it hadn't already been.

I'd never cried at the end of summer until this year. When everyone was finally gone, I stood there and let myself go for about 2 minutes -- never taking off my sunglasses so not to show it. And then it was time to get back to work finishing up putting the place to bed.

I ended the way I started -- all business, and having fun doing it.

I'll miss it. But it's nice to be on my way to growing up for real.