Vacations

I'm fewer than 24 hours away from unofficially being on break. (I say unofficial, because there is school Friday, but I don't have class Friday.) I've always enjoy vacations for the nature of not having obligations, and I've always despised vacation because I've never known what to do with myself when I have no obligations. (Also: I have not being productive, and I tend to let myself be unproductive during breaks and then getting mad at myself for creating a backlog of work for myself when the vacation is over.)

I'm not going to say I don't need this beak, because I do. I'm also not going to say that I'm looking forward to getting out of New York, because I'm not I've spoken before about how I am unproductive in my parents' home, and that even when I lived there I couldn't work there and I did my best to stay away, either going to my girlfriend's house, or my senior year when she was gone, getting a job. (I put some late nights in at Unos when I really didn't have to...)

I'm going home for a very short time, and every reasonable hour of my few days (read: 11 am to 1 am) is already booked solid with family. (I was volunteered to babysit, it's my brother's birthday, and I'm seeing a Pat Metheny concert with my mother.) I never get anything done -- musical or otherwise -- in that house, and the only redeeming quality to being there (other than family, which has its moments...) is having a full-sized kitchen and a dish-washer, two luxuries my refrigerator box (read: apartment) in Manhattan doesn't have.

And yet, I'd rather just take a long weekend.

In a weird way, I feel I haven't earned this vacation. I haven't had midterms like all of my friends have, I haven't successfully done anything yet this semester, and I haven't even handed in all of my small assignments that have been due. I've barely kept up on my readings, and I've only missed class for illness, but I still feel this is undeserved.

But the calendar doesn't reward based on accomplishments, it rewards based on a linear concept of time. In a way, it's comforting to know that whether needed or not, the third week of March is my vacation, but that almost makes it worse to know that when I'll need the break and deserve the break, it won't be there.

At least I can stay up until 4:30 every morning!

(Oh wait...I do that already...never mind!)