"I'm not a bad guy..."

His name's Marvin. He introduced himself to me one night when I was coming home from the diner at 1 am on crutches. He asked me to help him get a meal. I handed him my leftovers.

He's the local bum. He smells of alcohol and is always in the neighborhood -- sometimes on First Ave, sometimes on Second Ave, sometimes in the laundromat late-night. The first time I met him, he had a bike. Since then, I've spoken with him a few times -- but the bike's been gone. I always make sure to walk his way when I have leftovers from the diner -- and otherwise, I don't avoid him and I have no problem giving him a buck here and there.

I'm sure he's using it to drink -- or at least his stench would indicate -- but I don't blame him for that and I don't really care. If I were stuck on the street and had a choice between getting a bag of chips or a beer, I'd probably pick the one that makes me feel a little better about the world around me.

Tonight he saw me coming from a block away, and I could see his extra bounce, realizing that I was going to treat him like a human for a few minutes and then probably give him a dollar after I went in to buy a bag of chips of my own. (I offered to buy him one, but he said he wanted a sandwich and I told him I didn't bring enough money with me for that.)

He shook my hand, as he always does, and then he made small talk. He asked me how the ankle is, probably to show he wasn't too drunk to forget who I am, and asked me how finals are going, again to butter me up, I'm sure. Then, he asked me for money or food. He knew at that point I wasn't going to say no.

If this man didn't dress badly and smell of booze, he'd be a great salesman. He has the natural abilities to make you buy something you went in not knowing you needed. Instead, he's selling himself in the sense that he's selling his story, his persona, and the good karma that comes with treating a man like him as human. All in all, a pretty good deal for one dollar or some leftovers that are never as good the next day, anyway.

Tonight, I was struck by the fact that he waited outside the convenient store and the flower guy gave him a look and he just said, "I'm not a bad guy, I've just got bad luck." I don't know how much of that's true. I believe he isn't a bad guy, but the bad luck part, I don't know. And I don't particularly want to sit and hear his story of how he ended up as he is. I mean, I use him as much as he uses me. He uses me for cash, and I use him to feel good about myself and to contribute to karma. I'm curious, but not enough to sit down with him at a diner, buy him a meal, and actually sit with him for a half hour. It isn't that I don't want to know, it's that I couldn't be that close to the alcohol smell for that long and I don't want to set a precedent I cannot afford to keep.

The strangest thing about my relationship with Marvin, though, is the sense of loyalty I feel. I'm sure it's a false sense, but I feel like if I were walking down the street and some other drifter came up to me and the situation turned ugly, Marvin would come out and protect me. Possibly only for the monetary reward, but I believe that it's because he isn't a bad guy. I just hope the bad luck part is true and it changes. Or at the very least, he buys himself something better than PBR with the dollar I gave him.