Public Displays of Emotion

I've seen four kids this week on the street crying and screaming. All these kids are, of course, under ten years old and always accompanied by an adult -- or two. And my first reaction to all of these kids -- before the inevitable "won't they just shut up already?" or "these parents really need to bribe their kids with candy," I think of how jealous I am of these kids.

These kids are unanimously (and undeniably) miserable, and they are in a pain and amidst a burden that they consider to be among the worst in their lives, and they have no problem vocalizing it. And I'm not going to say I'm jealous of their innocence and the fact that it gets worse and I wish that were my worst, because that is not what I'm jealous of.

I'm jealous of the fact that they can (and do) vocalize their true emotions. And they don't just do it with pain -- they do it with happiness through skipping and singing and clapping. But once a certain age comes, that becomes unacceptable -- both the expression of happiness and the other extremes are no longer within the expected norm of public behavior.

I, and I assume all those reading this, live in a world where there are accepted levels of what emotion looks like to the outside world. It isn't acceptable to scream in pain or joy on the streets of the city. It is just pathetic to cry in public. And kick about wanting to go home or wanting a red lollipop instead of the green one? You better have some kind of mental health professional looking into your case on a twice-daily basis.

But sometimes I just WANT the red one and cannot explain it and cannot hold it in! I will pout, I will get noticeably irritable, and it will bring the rest of my day down.

Maybe there's something to be said for what the 4 year old can do in public as he can move on. His pain can be distracted from and the rest of his day made better either with remedies -- that is to say daddy went into Commerce Bank and got him a red lollipop -- or distractions -- that is to say mommy went into the gym and got him a balloon. And it isn't just that his pain is distracted, it's actually gone!

Sometimes it feels good just to scream and kick and cry, but I guess, being, well, over 7 years old, I can't do it anymore. And I want to! I REALLY WANT TO! WHY CAN'T I JUST KICK AND SCREAM AND YELL AND CRY FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT I WANT TO!!!

Yeah -- that wasn't nearly as satisfying as the real thing is, or at least as my memory of it is, but I guess it's a start.

And after all that, I really want a lollipop -- but not the green one, the red one. But not that red one, the other one. And if you don't get it for me, I may just have to cry.

And then I'll be okay.